Uncategorized Words Of Hope

Failure

Failure October 30, 20141 Comment

Words Of Hope Blog-- dedicated to vulnerable writing about my crazy life. Check out my new tab Missed Moments about my experiences on public transportation!

So, I got two midterms back today. One was fine. But the second one was a different story. I studied for weeks. I mean I realllllllly studied. I made so many flashcards that the rubber band would snap whenever I tried to tie them together. I went to office hours every week. I bought an additional textbook to read another perspective. I read through my notes so many times that I could recite them. I knew my stuff. But I got a 64.
At first, I thought my professor handed me the wrong one. Maybe he mis-graded, or there was another Arcuri, or he couldn’t read my handwriting. No, I just got a 64.
I got a D.
You know, I’ve heard stories about the good-natured students who fail their first college test, but I always thought to myself that that wasn’t me. “I’m not like her; I study.” “I’m not like that guy; I put in the time.” “Maybe she thinks she’s just not good at math, but she just didn’t try.”
Well, I’m here to tell you those people probably did try. Because I am now one of those people and I can tell you I most definitely tried.
Sometimes a professor just doesn’t ask questions the way you wish they’d be asked. Sometimes you get anxious and make careless errors. Sometimes you forget to study a certain page of your notes. And, sometimes, you just simply don’t understand it and won’t ever understand it.
But that’s okay!! I’m still me. I still have a future. And whether I get a D in this class or an A in this class, I know that I did the best I could possibly do and that’s all that matters. We all have different strengths and weaknesses and if we were all good at everything then how could anyone specialize in anything? What, then, would be the point of Majors?
So this post is for you, College Student Who Is Pretending It’s Okay That She Failed A Test When Really She Just Wants To Bawl Her Eyes Out And Thinks She’s Stupid: First, you’re not stupid. And second, it’s gonna be okay. And you CAN bawl your eyes out! I put my dad on speaker and cried for a solid 42 minutes and 38 seconds (in the middle of the campus quad because that’s the only place I have service. Yes, this is a subtle jab at Duke’s terrible phone service. Fix it, someone). And look at me now! I made it!
Who knows if I’ll recover from this test, who knows if I’ll ever understand the material like I thought I did, who knows if I’ll have a great GPA by the end of the semester, but there’s one thing I’m sure of and that’s that I still have my smile, I still have my heart, and I still have my dreams for the future.
Good luck, friends. You got this.
PS: Thank you to the wonderful friends who at dinner had me shout, “I DON’T GIVE A FLAMING FUCK!” You all were the inspiration for this post and I apologize, dining hall and fellow Facebook friends, for the cursing. (And thanks for all the encouragement, the group hugs, the “Dang, a 64? Girl, you started from 0 and made it that far?! Bravo!”, the Godly wisdom, the personal horror stories about failed tests in the past, and the reassurance that I am in fact still Hope Arcuri). Stay awesome, people.

Words Of Hope Blog-- dedicated to vulnerable writing about my crazy life. Check out my new tab Missed Moments about my experiences on public transportation!

One comment

  1. I’m sorry about the disappointing mid-term grade after all you did and all of your studying. What I’m impressed by is your optimism and realism (and your writing, of course)! My hope is that your blog posts will continue to serve as motivation and reality checks as well as helping to relieve stress.

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