So you took my advice and told that guy how you felt.
And he rejected you.
I know the feeling.
How come, when you tell that guy that you like him and take that risk and then he tells you he doesn’t feel the same way, you immediately jump to the conclusion that he doesn’t like you because you’re not pretty enough for him?
And why do I feel like that’s a completely valid conclusion to make?
So many people, guys included, have tried to convince me that that’s not how it is.
But I don’t believe them.
I don’t believe them because I know that our society is so outwardly focused and I assume that the guys I like are outwardly focused, too.
And because I’ve been rejected so many times I assume it has to be me, not them.
Something is wrong with me.
And while it could totally be my personality, the fact that I’m friends with the guys who reject me means they probably like my personality otherwise they wouldn’t want to be my friend.
So it has to be my appearance.
And you know what sucks about that? There’s nothing I can do about how I look. No amount of makeup or extra effort on my hair or working out more is really going to change the fact that I’m just not the kind of girl he’s looking for.
For a girl that lovesssss control, loves fixing things, loves making things work, not being able to change the fact that a guy isn’t attracted to me sucks more than you could possibly imagine. (Except you can imagine it, because you’re reading this and nodding your head. At least I hope that’s what you’re doing. Because these posts are supposed to be relatable!)
But today I’m deciding to believe that it’s not about me. That it’s not about not being attractive enough. It’s not about not being good enough.
Because I am good enough. I have something to offer. And though it’s not what that guy’s looking for, it’s something. And someone will like that something one day. And I’ll just keep doing me until that day. Because by being me I’m being the most attractive version of myself: the honest, vulnerable, emotional me. Who likes boys that don’t like me back and who giggles at anything remotely funny and who lies in bed thinking about the perfect first date.
So, girls, let me tell you something.
It’s not you.
It’s not because you’re not pretty enough.
It’s not because you’re not good enough.
You are enough.
You have something to offer.
No, you have a lot to offer.
And the fact that a boy could make you feel like you don’t have something to offer means you should probably reevaluate the boys you’re spending time with.
So, boys, let me tell you something.
Next time a girl has the guts to tell you that she’s into you, let me suggest that if you’re not interested in her you explain WHY. And explain that she is beautiful and incredible and smart and talented, but just not your person. Because if you don’t tell her those things, she jumps to the worst conclusions. She thinks she’s not pretty, and let me tell you that’s the worst way to feel.
And girls feel like we’re not pretty enough all the time, so we especially don’t need the guys we like making us feel less than beautiful.
Don’t be so surprised or frustrated or appalled that I like you. Take it as a compliment. Take a few seconds to think about it. Affirm me. And then tell me why you aren’t interested. And be honest. Don’t beat around the bush. Don’t make it awkward. Just say it.
I can take it. I’m strong. Because I’m enough.
You are enough. And I’m sorry he isn’t interested. It’s his loss, really. But in the mean time: be yourself. And let the right guy see how attractive that is.